Surly's Soap Box

Borrowing a line from "Cheech and Chong": "Dave's not here." Instead, I'm over here.

"Surly's Soap Box" has run it's course. A lot of my perceptions and convictions have changed over the last few years, and it's time find a new format. I thought about reformatting The Soap Box, but decided to move to an other entirely.

While it may seem to some that I have totally gone off the deep end, I want to assure that my Christian faith is still intact and I still hold fairly conservative values. I'm just moving into a different realm of expression.

I'll keep this powerblogs account open until the end of the year, but then...

Anyway, I hope to see you all over at "My Quiet Revolution"

One of the greatest joys of being an anarchist is the lack of emotional involvement with the on going election cycle. No heart burn over "He said/She said", no sleep lost over whose behind in the polls, laughing through the debates. It's great! The most annoying thing about it is the constant barrage of political adds from people who ultimately are looking for you to validate their choices. Face it people, to the government, people are votes and revenue. Once the government figures out how to keep taking money from us without the votes, they'll be set. Hopefully, by then I'll be out of the revenue stream, making enough to cover property tax and basic expenses, trading and bartering for everything else, as far below the radar as possible. Ahhh... It's good.

Caution! Some profanity Here.

Never mind: I was going to post something about how "Entitled Victimhood" has taken root in our society, and how people expect the government to bail them out when ever something bad happens to them.

Why doesn't the Government just pay off the mortgages of people who are struggling, but trying, to make their house payments? That way, the banks get their money, and the folks who at least try to make their payments get real help. It's almost like the government doesn't trust people with their own money, like there is this big club of politicians and business men who move in circles far above those of the common people, just using us. It's just insane. Give the people the money, let them pay off their credit cards, their mortgages, buy new cars. Then there will be an economic rebound while the industries get their act together.

The reason why the House didn't pass the initial 700 billion bail out bill is because they weren't spending enough! It wasn't enough to just give a bunch of money to the stupid, irresponsible bastards in the banking industry, but they had to tack on a couple billion in other spending!

Whoa. My brain hurts.

1. A chicken in every pot and a hybrid in every garage.
2. Proudly endorsed by your Chinese Overlords!
3. (Obama's reelection slogan) Democracy's My Bitch!
4. A full dinner pail.
5. Work! The government needs to give your money to failed businesses.

I have concluded that the government no longer exists to serve the people of the United States: It exists to serve big business. This economic bail out is going to put billions into the hands of people who have proven that they are incapable of managing it, the CEO's are likely to walk away with millions, and the fools (politicians) who want to give the money away to the bozos act like they are doing us a favor by trying to set money aside for depression era style work programs.

I have decided to embrace non-violent anarchy, which means to me going 'off line' as much as possible: growing as much of my own food as possible, buying directly from local farmers, making as much of my own stuff as I can, recycling by refurbishing other peoples throw-aways, home brewing, building community...

It's nuts what's been happening in this country, and I just can't endorse the insanity any longer. I place no hope in politics, and even though I think Sarah Palin is kind of hot a breath of fresh air, I don't think McCain is a much better choice than Obama. So I'm becoming as self-sufficient as possible, and refusing to buy into the unholy consumerism culture that's destroying this country.

Take 700 billion dollars, divide it by 500 million (the population of the U.S.) and distribute it. Better yet, give the money to those who where smart enough to not let themselves get taken by unethical loan practices and have faithfully made their house payments over the last few years. I figure that would increase liquidity in the banks, pay off debt, and cause a real consumer economic boom. Plus, their would be a real increase in available jobs because of all the people who would be retiring early and traveling, not to mention investing that money. Why give it to the bozos that caused the problem in the first place?

Well....I've been very busy. One of the things I've been doing is taking Improv classes. This has taken up two evenings a week for the last few months, and while it has been a bit of a strain, it has been worth it. I've made a bunch of new friends (the old ones where getting kind of worn and tarnished), learn a lot about performing, and gained some valuable tools for sermon prep and delivery. I actually auditioned for an improv troupe, and though I didn't make it, I feel pretty confident about my ability to perform and deliver to a crowd people.

What am I going to do with this new skill? Well, I intend to continue practicing, hopefully make a troupe some time, or start my own. Yes, you can do that. There are a lot of talented people out there, and only so many venues, so who knows?

Any way, that's whats up.

I'm going to post my thoughts as I'm preparing a sermon on "One Anothering", exploring a set of scriptures that addresses how we are to treat one another and build community in The Church.

This last weekend, I had a discussion with some folks about building community in Church. The church I attend has long been hallmarked by it's family like community, yet criticized for being a 'lousy church'. I often describe my church as "a community of people building a church as opposed to a church building community". If you want a community of people, Christians, that will pray for you, care for you, come along side of you, encourage you, empower you...That's us. If you want top notch music, finely honed preaching, charismatic leadership...well, you'd be disappointed. That's not to say that our worship isn't genuine, or that our preaching isn't biblical, but our Sunday morning gatherings are more like Sunday dinner than 'Church'. That doesn't mean we are perfect, or that we are the standard by which all should judge what 'church' is, but I believe that we have something to offer others who a struggling with building community.

One of our guiding principles is:

John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

See, the people who stay with us often stay because they feel the love we have for one another. They feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. They come hurting, needing, lonely, have their needs met, and often meet Jesus. I'm humbled to be part of the leadership of such a church.

Often times, people think "building" when they think "Church". They think stained glass, organs, choirs, hymnals, Sunday school, services...but that isn't the church. The Church is the body of believers, both locally and universally. If you are a disciple of Christ, you are a part of the Church, much more so than brick and mortar.

And as a collective body of believers, do people recognize you as "His" by the love you have for one another?

Self-indulgent blow hard attacks motorcycle enthusiast:

The disturbing roar of hollow patriotism

By Garrison Keillor

May 28, 2008

Three hundred thousand bikers spent Memorial Day weekend roaring around Washington in tribute to our war dead, and I stood on Constitution Avenue on Sunday afternoon watching a river of them go by, waiting for a gap in the procession so I could cross over to the Mall and look at pictures. The street had been closed off for them and they motored on by, some flying the Stars and Stripes and the black MIA-POW flag, honking, revving their engines, an endless celebration of internal combustion.

A patriotic bike rally is sort of like a patriotic toilet-papering or patriotic graffiti; the patriotism somehow gets lost in the sheer irritation of the thing. Somehow a person associates Memorial Day with long moments of silence when you summon up mental images of pilots revving up B-24s and infantrymen crouched behind piles of rubble steeling themselves for the next push.

You don't quite see the connection between that and these fat men with ponytails on Harleys. After hearing a few thousand bikes go by, you think maybe we could airlift these gentlemen to Baghdad to show their support of the troops in a more tangible way. It took 20 minutes until a gap appeared and then a mob of us pedestrians flooded across the street and the parade of bikes had to stop for us, and on we went to show our patriotism by, in my case, hiking around the National Gallery, which, after you've watched a few thousand Harleys pass, seems like an outpost of civilization.

There stood Renoir's ballerina in pale blue chiffon and Monet's children in the garden of sunflowers. And Mary Cassatt's "The Boating Party," which I stood and stared at for a long time. A lady in a white bonnet sits in a green sailboat, holding a contented baby in pink, as a man rows the boat toward a distant shore. (Perhaps the boat is becalmed.) The man wears a navy blue shirt, he is preoccupied with his rowing, and the lady looks wan and mildly anxious, as well a mother should be. The baby is looking dreamily over the gunwales. Is the man a hired hand or is he the husband and father?

A work of art can lift you up from the mishmash of life, the weight of the unintelligible world, and vulgarity squats on you like an enormous toad and won't get off. You stroll down past the World War II Memorial, which looks like something ordered out of a catalog, a bland insult to the memory of all who served, and thousands of motorcycles roar by disturbing the Sabbath, and it depresses you for hours.

If anyone cared about the war dead, they could go read David Halberstam's The Coldest Winter or Stephen Ambrose's Citizen Soldiers or any of a hundred other books, and they would get a vision of what it was like to face death for your country, but the bikers riding in formation are more interested in being seen than in learning anything. They are grown men playing soldier, making a great hullabaloo without exposing themselves to danger, other than getting drunk and falling off a bike.

No wonder the Current Occupant welcomed them with open arms at the White House, put on a black leather vest, and gave a manly speech about how he'd just "choppered in" and saw the horde "cranking up their machines," and he thanked them for being so patriotic. They are his kind of guys, full of bluster, giving off noxious fumes, and when they leave town, nobody misses them.

Meanwhile, the man pulls at the oars, the lady wonders if this trip was a good idea or if some disaster is at hand, and the child lolls on her lap, dazed by the sun. They started this trip in 1894 and haven't advanced an inch; meanwhile, half the people who ever stood and watched them have reached that distant shore and the rest of us are getting closer every day.

I am the boatman and maybe you are, too - it is quiet on the water, we lean on the oars, and we are suspended in time, united with every other man, woman and child who ever voyaged afar.

Garrison Keillor's column appears regularly in The Sun. His e-mail is oldscout@prairiehome.us. Send him a note to let him know what a prick he is.

I've been driving my motorcycle almost exclusively this spring. I'd like to say that it's because of the lovely weather and the beautiful drive down the Theodore Wirth Parkway. But the weather hasn't been all that lovely, and with the removal of the Lowery Ave bridge, Theodore Wirth isn't an option. Nope, it's the high price of gas that has me riding daily, and I'll tell you, nothing takes the joy out of riding a motorcycle quicker than rush hour.

At current prices ($3.79 for premium), it cost me about $.10 a mile. It costs me $.33 a mile to drive my truck (on regular). If gas hits $4.00 a gallon for regular by winter (as they're predicting), I might have to see if I can get a sidecar for the bike! Actually, If I didn't have to drive the interstate to get to work, that would be a viable option.

While I'm not for government intervention, I might support a mandatory 4 day work week. 4-10 hour days, cutting peoples driving by twenty percent, might not lower prices, but it would save everyone 20% of their own personal gas bill.

Fuel for thought.

Anyway, I went on a long ride in the country this morning, and that restored some of the joy of riding. I actually had a chance to get into fifth gear and 'blow out of some carbon'. That's code for "drive fast". I won't say how fast, as my wife is sitting her next to me and I don't want to leave a paper trail.

...if they preach on "The Four Horsemen of the Kentucky Derby" and seem particularly perplexed that the Pale horse didn't win, place or show.

...and yelled, 'Ouch! That hurt!'

So, what has Surly Dave been up to? Well, as many who read here know, I do a little preaching. I've never bragged about possessing supreme speaking abilities or my ability to captivate my audience. I would not be called 'fiery' or 'charismatic' in the pulpit. But I am passionate.

But that's not the point. The point is that I recognized that I needed to hone my speaking skills. So like anyone else in my position, who doesn't have time or resources to invest in a communications degree, I decided to take a class in stand-up comedy.

I know what most people say when you read that: "Don't you have to be funny to be a stand-up comic?"

Ha ha. I thought I'd give that one to you for free.

Anyway, my instructor says I've got a great 'comedic instinct' and is helping me with writing jokes and such. Believe me, writing for the stage, at least for stand-up isn't as easy as it seems. Writing humor (which I've done a little here on this blog) is different because you have a chance to be clever and you have more opportunity to build your 'bit'. The reader has a chance to re-read something, think about it, or come back to it. With an audience, you have to consider them hostile. You have to convince them, in a short period of time, that your point of view is funny. They come to a comedy club or go see a comedian with the attitude of, "Well: Make me laugh."

Of course, some of the church audiences I've faced could be considered hostile as well...

I'm already enjoying some of the benefits of the class as far as sermon prep and preaching goes. Not that I've done any since starting that class, in fact, I'm taking a 6 month sabbatical from the pulpit, but I've had an 'epiphany' of sorts: A couple weeks ago, I was watching a show on the History Channel called, "The History of the Joke" and in the show, they had an interview with George Carlin. He was asked, "Do you try to make people think in your act?" and he replied, "No: I try to do the thinking for them. I don't want them to think." He then went on to explain he had dropped out of school in the 8th grade, and all his life he has been trying to prove to people that he is 'smart'.

I really related to this. I didn't finish college, and on our pulpit team there are many college grads: A Lawyer, Teacher, Computer Geeks with fancy degrees, a pastoral studies major, a corporate trainer turned home schooler, and Art major...Also, many people in our church are grads from some of the local bible colleges. While I know I have the call to preach, I was often under condemnation for not being 'trained', 'educated', or 'smart' enough. (This condemnation came mostly from myself) As a result of my own insecurity, I was often 'clever' in my preaching, tackling big, heady topics, reading the latest books, using big words, all trying to prove to everyone that 'I am somebody'.

Even the humor I used was 'intelligent', often asides meant to show how 'smart' I am.

What stand-up comedy has taught me is how to form a clear, concise argument and bring it home with an easy to remember point. It's also taught me how to more fully use the natural gifts and point of view God has given me instead of contrived ones.

As far as doing the comedy thing, I will have some opportunities to perform in the near future. I might even make an announcement here as to when and where.

Years ago, I did some stand-up and open-mic nights. I was even encouraged by members of the church to go into Christian comedy, but that was when the Mike Warnke thing blew up, and everyone soured on Christian comedians for a while. Right now, my act is kind of worldly. Not crude or sexual, no profanity, but I make fun of the 'world'. After all, as a child of God, we should see the systems of this world as humorous. Fallen?: Yes. Oppressive? Not when the Kingdom you live in is that of Heaven.

But I'm not going to go there right now.

Well, I'm back to work. Started a job on Monday as a fabricator for a sign shop here in the metro. This is my third sign job now. I guess it gets into you bones or something. I just can't stop being creative, dang it!

Otherwise, life has been insane as usual. One of these days I'll get back into writing or pull the plug. But for now I'll just paying rent on my little corner of the internet.

Maybe I just have set such high expectations of myself (as far as writing goes) that I give up even before I start because I don't have the time or energy to 'do it right'.

Oh well.

The other night there was a program on the History Channel called, 'The History of the Joke'. In the program, Lewis Black interviewed Dr Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire, who spent the last few years researching humor and what people find funny. This is, according to years of investigation, the world's funniest joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

I think the joke is funnier when you actually try to tell it to someone.

...that there are some people I know, people who I might have counted as friends, who have been using content found on this site to mock me, make fun of me, and generally do the "I'll make myself feel better about myself by tearing down somebody else because I'm so desperate to be somebody because my pathetic little life sucks and I want to feel superior..." thing.

If you think my Christianity is funny or a waste of time, or my inner reflections worthy of derision, then maybe you should take some time to look at your own life. At least I'm out there doing something, trying new things, growing as a person, contributing to society while you, perhaps, have given up. And Hey! I'm having fun. Kind of sucks right now being out of work and such, but over all life is good.

It actually makes me sad knowing that I can't really share the good stuff, the deep stuff, the real stuff with you because you'll just use it to stab me in the back. In fact, I'm beginning to believe that the only reason you talk to me is to get more ammo.

Before you lash out in anger, before you pick up the phone or leave that nasty comment, take a week to think about this: Is that how you want a friend to treat you?

Think about it.

Let the McCain coronation begin.

I watched McCain's speech to the Conservative-Something-Something conference this afternoon, and I think he did pretty well. He has a lot of fences to mend in the Republican Party, and I doubt he can pull it off. So, cue the third party that's guaranteed to to skim the ultra conservatives off the top and ensure an O'Bama victory in November.

Remember John Anderson who helped Carter get elected? How about Ross Perot? Who will the next spoiler be? Bloomberg? Huckabee?

Combine that with everyone's tiredness of the current government and an earnest desire for change (on both sides of the aisle) and we'll have a Democrat in the White House for sure.

Looks like the Presidential election is going to come down to a pitched battle between a Couple of Irish men: O'Bama and McCain.

McCain is Irish, hailing from the Ulster region. He's not Scottish as he had mistakenly claimed in his book, but his family has Scottish ties. Read the link for more info.

I can't place O'Bama though. Must be Black Irish.