Surly's Soap Box

We can worship the God of inclusivity with out worshiping Inclusivity.

We can worship the God of diversity with out worshiping Diversity.

I heard someone say something along these lines:

"We have a God that demands Conformity in the sense that we all are to be transformed into the image of Christ.

We ave a diverse God in that He expresses himself in a myriad of ways through His people."

I just want to say that we should embrace Godly manifestations of diversity, and not pursue Diversity for diversity's sake.

Some who know me, or at least pay attention, would recognize that over the last year and a half or so, I've under gone some radical changes in my life regarding politics and the Kingdom of God. Not just politics, but the way I live out my Christianity has changed. The more I preach, the more I pray for the Church and the Lost, the more I get out there and minister, the less important politics seem to be. I pay attention, know whose running and such, plan on voting and encouraging others to do so, but with out the passion I used to have. My passions, are elsewhere: The Kingdom of God.

I have been accused of becoming a liberal. It's to bad that causes like Mercy and Justice seem to be the sacred ground of Liberals. The problem is that when a conservative Christian seeks out information on Justice and Mercy (beyond the Bible: Like when your looking for some practical 'rubber to the road',how can I put some feet to this thing, type of information) you are bombarded with an anti-capitalism, pro-homosexual, mislead environmentalism agenda. I really get annoyed when I read about wonderful Christian Communities such as the Iona Community in Scotland, but they have to get hung up on 'gender identity' issues, global warming, and politics. It's as if you have to swallow the entire liberal agenda if you desire to practice Mercy, Justice, and Peace.

But I'm determined to practice Mercy, Justice and Peace with out buying the Liberal Agenda. Over the next few months I plan to expound on the definitions of these concepts, a maybe even present some opportunities for some folks here in the Twin Cities to get together and 'do the stuff'.

I close with a poem written by a friend of mine. Now, I don't always agree with Mark, but I know his heart. It's faithful.



Resistance

Her t-shirt spoke of love and peace
and beckoned our thoughts to the wartime deceased
But her face was twisted into a mask of hate
Only the blood of her foes could sate

Her banner gushed with words of love
And another protestor had a sign with a dove
But her own voice told me that her cause wasn’t true
Because her throat screamed out these words: “Fuck you!”

Dr. King and Gandhi, they grimace in their graves
For our own mockery has made us its slaves
Jesus Christ has a flashback to his time on the Cross
And he sheds a heavenly tear for the tragic loss

Of a young woman who should fight for peace
Instead of spreading the infectious disease
Of self-righteous hatred draped in smug
Her false piety makes her a thug

I'm kind of concerned that there is a white washing of Mormonism for the sake of making Romney more palatable to the evangelical voters. Now, I think Romney would be a good president based on his business experience and his family values. Yeah, yeah, yeah: Flip-flop this and flip-flop that. Look, I believe differently about thing than I did twenty years ago, and wouldn't want to be held to those believes today. But I get concerned when I hear people like Hugh Hewitt and Sean Hannity blowing off Mormonism as just another Christian denomination with some different views. There are some fundamental heresies at the root of Mormonism, the 'worse' being the denial of Jesus Christ being the Son of God. They believe that he is merely an 'ascended human', being an example to Mormons who wish to ascend themselves. That stands in the face of traditional Christianity, which believes Jesus is the Son of God, and salvation is based in trusting in Him, not just having knowledge of Him.

Ironically, a lot of Mormons don't know what their faith teaches, so they just place their trust Jesus. That is why I think there are saved Mormons: They don't know what they are supposed to believe.

So anyway, I think it's okay to support Romney for prez, just as I don't mind having a Hindu of Muslim Doctor, but I not going to water down their faiths to make it easier to swallow.

One of the most impacting events of my Christian walk actually happened before I was became a Christian.

I come from a small town about 70 miles north of the Twin Cities. In the late 70's, the Lutheran Church decided that it needed to add on to it's sanctuary. No big deal. The Catholic Church decided it needed to do the same. Once again, no big deal, but then the Lutherans decided that they needed a new steeple, thus causing the Catholics to need a foyer and so on. By the time it was all said and done, there where two brand new million dollar churches in one of the more economically depressed areas of Minnesota at the time.

The bus I road back and forth to school went by one of the edifices daily. I can still remember how bright the new red brick facade and how deep black the new pavement were. But the thing that impressed me the most was the trailer park across the street. These weren't double wides, nor even singles: They where travel trailers that were parked and rented out. It was the place single teenage mothers went when they had their second kid before 18, after burning all their bridges with their families and the only thing they had was their welfare check. It was the place where pedophiles and other abusive types looking for weak women would go to prey (and I mean hunt). The kids getting on and off the bus there where dirty, their clothes worn thin, their spirits worn thinner. It was a place where hope went to die.

Every day, that shiny new steeple cast it's shadow over them like a sundial. Every Sunday, the bells would ring, calling the faithful. People who went to this nice, shiny new church hurried in from the cold while there were people freezing across the road. They held pancake breakfast while right next door, people went hunger. And I, fourteen at the time, a nonbeliever, knew in my heart that something was wrong with this picture. I knew there was light being hid under a bushel basket, if there was any light at all.

Here was a church, the denomination not important, that was supposed to reach out to the poor, father the fatherless, feed the hungry, help the needy, caught up in a battle of "keeping up with the Jones'" and ignoring those God had set right with in the very shadow of their building.

The whole affair hardened my heart towards Christianity. For years it was the example I gave to explain why I thought Christianity was a crock. Even after Jesus, through His incredible grace and mercy, saved me, I was still bitter towards the Church. For a while I misplaced my aggression and acted out towards a particular denomination, but as I grew and matured, I came to realize that, yes, there was something wrong with that situation.

That whole event greatly impacted me, and still does today. When I hear of churches spending money on things like bells when the hungry and poor are with in listening distance, it makes my blood boil. Where does the Sermon on the Mount and Isaiah 61 come into play for these people? Compassion isn't something dealt out by a committee with a check book. Mercy isn't a policy. The essence of the Sermon on the Mount is getting our hands dirty working next to 'sinners' and 'publicans' and living out the gospel in our everyday lives with everyday people. The "build it and they will come" mentality so many churches have fails to reach the community. I don't believe the hope man is looking for resides in a building. I despise the 'if we can only get them to church' attitude. We are the church. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The power to touch lives lives within us, and we are called to shine the hope, love, grace and mercy of Christ into those around us. That is not something a building can do, and yet so many expect it to.

Today, the trailers are gone and new houses replace them. Have the poor been helped or merely displaced?

Yes, I understand the socio-political-economic factors behind so much of the poverty we enconter in the United States: Bad Choices. Don't have kids out of wedlock, finish school and go on to college, and so on. But some times the people God puts before you don't understand those issues or have never heard of them, and instead of condemning them for their poor decisions, we are to love them as Christ does.

Lord, please show me how to put legs to your Gospel. Show me how to truly live out you call.

Last night, I caught a little of TLC's "My Unique Family".

"Jennifer and Chris have two loving children, successful careers and a beautiful home. Three years ago, Jennifer was a man named Jeff who decided to become a woman. Explore how this transition happened and the continued conflicts resulting from the change."

This wasn't a study of transition; it was a study of selfishness. You had this guy who was/is willing to abandon his wife and kids, bankrupting them in the process, to 'follow his heart' (thanks Oprah Windbag). The money he's spending, the damage he's causing his family, are all due to his trying to make himself feel better about himself, and everyone else be damned.

Tell you what, the human heart is not the guiding beacon our modern society has made it out to be. No, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings." Jeremiah 17:9,10

This week I am fasting, and as part of that I'm reducing my computer time to a scant 30 minutes a day. Basicly, I'll be checking email and posting over at Solid Rocks Ministry blog as I 'live blog' my fast.

Why live blog my fast? I know the bible talks about keeping it to myself and such, but I felt I could offer encouragement to others (and be encouraged) by talking about it in real time as opposed to teaching on it after I've been through it and 'prettied it up' a bit. Besides, I'm not making suffering the point: I'm making a point of bringing the flesh into submission, emptying myself out to make room for God, and drawing closer to Him. If I begin boasting of my suffering, than I have failed because my heart is no longer in the right place.

So check out Solid Rocks Ministry, which is a consortium of some of the Christian bloggers from Minnesota and beyond.

I'll be back here next week.

Ahhh...The spiritual discipline of fasting. It's the favorite of people everywhere!

Actually, to a lot of people, fasting is kind of a novelty, something only fanatics and mystics do. Yet Jesus talked about, right between prayer and storing up your treasure in heaven. If Jesus talked about it, then it must be important.

Our church is entering into a time of corporate fasting as we seek God for vision. Our goal is to have our church bathed with prayer and have some one fasting 24/7 for a week. At the end of the week, we plan to come together with an All Worship Sunday (we have one every quarter or so) and then break the fast corporately with meal of soup, bread, and salad. We also plan to have an 'open mic' so people can share what God is showing them. However, often time revelation doesn't come until after the fast, so the week after should be exciting.

The message on fasting was delivered by an other member of our Pulpit Team, so the notes presented below are hers:




Read through them. They are good.

The reason I bring it up is what I state previously: Fasting is a spiritual discipline that deservesdemands as much focus as prayer, reading the Word, and giving. I am looking forward exploring this more deeply.

While I have fasted before, I'm particularly excited about this time of being unified with my brothers and sisters seeking God will for our body.

I'll be sharing my experience over the next couple of weeks. Perhaps it will be an encouragement to others, maybe people will write me off as a mystic. That's alright: I wouldn't mind being known as a Christian Mystic.

Have you ever been struck by a song that left you wondering...well, just wondering. This last Sunday I turned on the radio on my way to church to hear this:




Sunday Morning Coming Down is probably one of the most angst-ridden songs ever written. It's a deep song and is worthy of analysis. These lyrics aren't words just casually written; these are the examinations of a man's soul. The song expresses this guys feelings of loss and estrangement: The smell of frying chicken reminds him of something he has lost, the distant bells fading brings back broken and failed dreams of yesterday, and the whole Sunday morning experience weighs on him with crushing loneliness.

Some might look at this song as an example of 'backsliding' or how sinful living can drive us from Church and separate us from God. After all, the guy had been puffing on heaters and playing music the night before, and the headache he was suffering was probably from over consumption of adult beverages. All symptoms of sinful living, heh?

Anyway, as the song played, I felt challenged by God: "What would you say to this man?"

The temptation for the classic American Church goer is to say something like, "He needs to repent!" or, "He needs to get his backside back into Church!" Some would say that that he needs to quit smoking, quit drinking, do his laundry, stay out of bars, give up the ungodly music he was undoubtedly playing, and then drag his carcass before God and man and beg for forgiveness. Some would avoid him like he was a leper.

Some would give him the old, "Jesus loves you" and then leave it at that.

At various times in my Christian walk, I would have answered with any of the above.

But these are the easy things to say. These are stock items that put the entire change process squarely in the guy's own hands. If he could change, don't you think he would? Do you think he likes feeling lonely, lost, and hopeless? Having been there, I can assure you he doesn't. And really, if we could do it ourselves, then Jesus died for nothing.

But even more importantly, these stock phrases insulate us from really getting involved with this guy.

After a couple days of thinking about what I would say, I would hope that if I were to meet this guy, that I would say something like, "Do you want to join me for lunch?"

The thing is, we all know people like the guy in the song. I admit that in the past, I have gone through great lengths to insulate myself from people who didn't hold the same values I hold. But as I dive deeper into service and commitment to Christ, I can't avoid people anymore. I have to make Christ known. I need to engage.

See, I'm being challenged by the way I do church. Not the Sunday morning practice, but how I live my faith, how I walk the walk. I want to really live what I read in the Bible. I can't do that if I don't really enter into peoples lives and in turn, allow them to enter into mine.

I have long believed that anything God does in my life and in the lives of other believers is to effect/touch the life of a unbeliever. Even when I am built up or blessed in some way, an unbeliever is some how touched and pointed towards Jesus.

Kind of reminds me of another song:

This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine
Oh, this little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine...

I pray my light can shine brightly.

An urban pastor/church planter/monk/hippee friend of mine needs a hand. Actually, he has two good hands, and he's reaching out with them for a hand out.

Here is his story, or read it here:




Now, I know that a lot of my readers won't agree with his politics, but you have to agree that a Christian presence is needed in the West Bank (of Minneapolis). Mark is a very intelligent guy who could very well have taken ministry as a career (versus a calling) and went and got a position a some big church and 'worked his way up the ladder'. Instead, he and his wife have forsaken that and dedicated themselves to living in one of the least desirable communities in the region, and planted themselves there in order to make Christ known.

I couldn't do it. Could you? If you're like me and know that you couldn't, wouldn't, or can't, (or God has you planted somewhere else) the least we could do is help him get a new lap top.

But we have to have some fun at Mark's expence. Since it is a proven fact that conservatives make more and give more than liberals (political, social, and religious), I challenge my readers to "Out Give the Commies" or something like that. I challenge people to go to Mark's blog, follow the directions for donating, then leave a comment saying something like..."Here's $10.00. I helped buy a hippie a laptop" or, "Here's a few bucks, now get a job." Something like that.

Well, maybe not. You could just say God Bless or something like that.

Or you could remain boringly anonymous. Your call.

I've spent a little time knocking around the internet today, looking at what different people where 'resolving' for this next year. There where a lot of "I wills" and "I won't's", and even a few "I refuse's", but no one said they longed to be mediocre.


I hereby resolve to strive beyond mediocrity.

If I were to make a list, I'd use Proverbs 3 as my guide:

1 My son, do not forget my teaching,
but keep my commands in your heart,

2 for they will prolong your life many years
and bring you prosperity.

3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

8 This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.

9 Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;

10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding,
(I will seek wisdom. ed.)

14 for she is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.

15 She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.

16 Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.

17 Her ways are pleasant ways,
and all her paths are peace.

18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
those who lay hold of her will be blessed.

19 By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations,
by understanding he set the heavens in place;

20 by his knowledge the deeps were divided,
and the clouds let drop the dew.

21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;

22 they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.

23 Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble;

24 when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

25 Have no fear of sudden disaster
or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,

26 for the LORD will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being snared.

27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it,
when it is in your power to act.

28 Do not say to your neighbor,
"Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"—
when you now have it with you.

29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor,
who lives trustfully near you.

30 Do not accuse a man for no reason—
when he has done you no harm.

31 Do not envy a violent man
or choose any of his ways,

32 for the LORD detests a perverse man
but takes the upright into his confidence.

33 The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked,
but he blesses the home of the righteous.

34 He mocks proud mockers
but gives grace to the humble.

35 The wise inherit honor,
but fools he holds up to shame.

I'm working on my sermon for tomorrow: New Years Resolutions!

Let us see: 7:00PM Saturday night...that means I have 15 hours to prepare!

Actually, I know where I want to go with my message. It's rapped around Mark 2: 1-12, where Jesus heals the paralytic.

The thing that struck me the most about this is that this guy was brought to Jesus by four of his friends. I assume that they were his friends because saw their faith. If these guys had just been hired men, I doubt they would have had faith.

So how does this tie into New Years Resolutions? Well...There are many 'standard' resolutions people make every year: Loose weight, pay bills, save money, quit smoking and/or drinking, clean up your life. That sort of stuff.

Now Christians tend to add other things to their New Years resolutions" list: Pray an hour a day, fast more, read the Bible through in a year, give more, volunteer more...Pretty standard stuff.

But I think that people also have their 'special request' resolutions. These are the things that they bring before God in their quite time, things that they may fear or have shame over. These are those secret things that they fear others finding out about: Porn, eating disorders, secret drug use, affairs, feeling that they don't love their spouse any more, pride, anger...Things they don't want people to know about because they fear if people really knew how they thought, acted, or felt, they wouldn't like them, or respect them any more.

And then there are the things that cripple us, leaving us paralyzed. Maybe the things that God has been pinging on us, the sins unrepented, the call unheeded. Maybe life circumstances has you in a corner. Maybe it's physical, maybe it's spiritual, but what ever it is, it's got you pinned down to the point where you can't move.

Do you have four friends? Do you have people around you that, even when you are down on your mat, will lift you up and bring you before the Highest God?

If you don't, the best way to get those types of friends is to be one of those types of friends.

I was at an hospital hanging up some new directory signs in a place that should have been brimming with hope and joy: The Maternity Ward. Well, they're called "Labor and Delivery" now, but you get the point.

Around the corner, I overheard an argument between a gal who was the sister of someone in delivery, and her mother. The daughter was railing into the mother for being drunk again, especially at a time when the the family needed her to be a mom. It came to a sad conclusion with someone getting slapped and the mother walking away saying, "Just pretend I'm dead."

I've been around plenty of practicing and recovering alcoholics to see the damage done by the disease of alcoholism. Some families are ripped apart, but too some families it's the sick glue that holds them together. Everyone knows their place and how to play their part, whether they like it or not. Until someone decides to make a change in their life, then it all falls apart.

But back to this family; these two sisters, a newborn, and who ever else is involved, now have yet another wedge between them, or perhaps a widened crevasse, as we enter into a season that should be marked by restoration, joy and goodwill, new birth and fresh beginnings. For those of us who are enjoying Christmas with relatively stable and loving families, please take time to pray for those who aren't as
fortunate.

Jesus, I pray that you would visit this family and pour out your awesome grace and mercy, that you have poured out so freely, upon them. I pray that as they hold the newborn in their arms, as they pour out their unconditional love on that little one, that you would pour out on them, and that they would come to know you Lord and your deep, unconditional, love. I pray that they would come under the conviction of their need for you, Jesus, and see that the only real hope they have to be restored to each other lays in being restored to you. Draw them Lord. Amen

I have an issue with most of the Christian books written for men. You know the type: "Recapture your Manliness in Six Easy Steps Will Still Being Sensitive to your Wife's Every Need", or "How to be a Caveman for God". Actually, I like that last one. I think I'll use it when I get around to writing a Christian self-help book.

Anyway, most of these books are not the types of books men buy for themselves, but are books that are bought for them. By women. Women who want to see the men in the lives become a deeper, stronger, men of God. So in order to sell the books, the books must appeal to women. Thus, Christian men's books are written for women. That is why they are full of all the flowery prose, majestic mountains scenes, and scruffily bearded guys who are deeply sensitive and treat their women like princesses.

The authors also tend to have lucrative book deals and speaking engagements that help them along. It's tough to have to choose between the Land Rover or the H3, or the A6 versus A8.

I think there is something to be said for reclaiming biblical manhood, particularly in a society where all men are Larry the Cable Guy. We have been emasculated in entertainment, stereotyped in print, and effeminated by our schools who believe that boys will be boys, therefore they must be stopped.

But what does it mean to be a man? Or even a godly man? Strong and Silent? Beer Gutted NASCAR Fan? Street Corner Bible Thumper? Hunter Gatherer?

I think the real key to being a 'Mighty Man of God' is confidently walking in the call that God has placed on your life. God's call takes into account the different personalities and characters traits men have. He knows our innermost secrets and fears, but he sees the end of the race, and knows how the race is going to form us and shape us. He knows that we will have times when we can't see over the hill, or our spirits are flagging, or we doubt our ability to run any farther. But He does not lead us to despair: He will equip, enable, and empower us to do the work that He has called us to do.

Of course, we can, and often, get in the way. But I'll talk about that later.

I led worship at church this morning. Now, when people hear that you are leading worship at church, they assume you have some sort of musical ability such as vocal skills or instrumentation.

Not necessarily the case with me.

I can strum the guitar, but I'm rhythmically challenged.
I can sing, but with limited range.

As I demonstrated today. In front of the whole church, I struggled to get into key, then I was so focused on the vocal end, my strumming struggled.

Why do I do it? Because I feel that God wants me to, and I desire to be obedient.

But you know: If you can't screw up in front of your church, if you can't make a mistake or struggle in front of your christian brothers and sisters, where can you?

Sad to say, I have been involved in churches where this was not the case. If you were to sing off key, hit the wrong chord, miss a strum, people would talk about it at Sunday brunch or their next home group meeting. And as the person singing off key, hitting the wrong chords, and missing a strum, you wouldn't have to wait to hear those conversations: You'd be able to see peoples rejection and embarrassment from right where you stand. And if you've done it before, you see people who will out right reject you, and shame you with their eyes and gestures.

To them I say: Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Get over yourselves. Repent.

Fortunately, our church is not like that. We encourage each other to step out, and once your walking, grab some one else's hand and help them step out. People laugh with you, and not at you.

To those who struggle with fear of rejection, particularly those who feel called to be in front of people but live in shame because you didn't quite perform they way others expected, or how you would have liked, God is faithful to complete the good work he has started. God will not put something on your heart and not give you the resources to accomplish it.

I didn't always believe that. I would strive, fail, and then give up. Later on, I would feel God's prompting to step out, to try again, only to complete the cycle again, feeling like God had set me up.

But musical skill or preaching style wasn't what God was trying to build in my life. I would practice (which is good), I took lessons (still okay), but I was striving to do it myself. He was (and is) after deeper things than my ability to play a song. He wanted my heart. He wanted me not to depend on my own abilities, but on Him. See, if I were secure in Him, I wouldn't be insecure about my struggles as a musician or my falterings with preaching. The awkward glances, the shameful looks, the reject means nothing to someone who knows they are walking in God's will.

So even though I have a long history of making a fool of myself in public, both behind the microphone with a guitar, and from the pulpit, I keep plugging along because I know that God has called me to do what I'm doing, and my 'job' isn't to please men, but to please Him.

After blotching the first two songs this morning, I just closed my eyes and started to play and sing like I was in my living room, just me and God, and everyone else joined in. The presence of the Holy Spirit was tangible. I'm still learning, and He's still after my heart.

The Church I belong to has a tradition of having an open mic the Sunday before Thanksgiving to allow people to offer up praise reports, thanks givings and stuff like that. So I had a short message prepared to fill in for when you get those moments of uncomfortable silence.

When that time came, I shared a bit about a divine healing I about 10-12 years ago: First off, I have to let you know that I used to suffer from major depression. The kind of depression where you lay in bed for days and on occasion wonder just how many sleeping pills it would take.

Anyway, I was at a prayer meeting, and when the speaker invited people down to the alter for prayer, I went. Now, this guy had no idea that I had the trouble with depression that I did, but when he laid hands on me, he said that God was showing him that I had a congenital spine defect that was responsible for a life time of pain and depression and God wanted to heal me of it. I then felt the power of God flowing through my back. It was like a divine chiropractor. I walked out of that meeting a free man.

For about a year, I lived free from depression, but then it began to creep back into my life. I started having downer days. Nothing like what I had experienced before, but depression none the less. One thing I noticed is that it came on strong if I had sin in my life (as we all do, but sometimes we relish in it), or maybe a situation, a deja vu experience that would remind me of negative times from the past, or rejection or something like that.

A lot of times, the depression drove me to deeper intimacy with the Lord. Other times, I dug in deep into the Word. Sometimes, I would have to get honest and do some repenting.

But in this last battle with depression, none of the above worked. I prayed. I became incredibly introspective, turning over every rock. I read the Bible. I prayed some more, but nothing brought relief. I even went so far as to post on it.

Then, a couple things happened, by no means coincidence (coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous): I started paying more attention to the Armor of God (Eph 6:10-18), and I recieved a call from the Reverend Mother.

Both my study and her phone call placed emphasis on the ...sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. I realized that I needed to use the word of God as a weapon against the depression, and in particular, praise.

So I began deliberately praising God, proclaiming his greatness, awesomeness, power and strength. I declared who I was in Him. I sang, with purpose, hymns.

The depression lifted. And now I have another "arrow in my quiver" in battling the enemy. See, maybe "oppression" is the better word. There are times when I feel like I'm being suffocated or drowned, and that comes from the outside. It's like having a bird perched on your shoulder whispering "your worthless", "your stupid" all day long. That sounds like an attack from the enemy to me, and now I'm better prepared. I shared this with the church, and shared that this doesn't just apply to depression/oppression, but anxiety, lust, whatever someone may be suffering from. It's not a cure all, just another tool.

So...Blessings Everyone!

A few days ago I made a confession here on The Soap Box that I had been suffering from depression. I just wanted to make a quick post that I am doing much better, and want to thank all those who wrote, called, and prayed. I'd like to go into it more, but I don't have time this evening. But I will, because I think that what I learned the last few days will be an encouragement to others. At least I'm hoping so, because I'm preaching on it this Sunday.

Special thanks to the Stewart family.

The bummer, or paradox, or irony, or crappy thing about being a Christian and being a life long sufferer of depression is that as a Christian, I have access to the true source of Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control, (Gal 5:22-23) and still finding myself going through a "long, dark tea time of the soul". Then to confound things, I get angry with myself for being depressed, which leads to more...depression.

I have been depressed for close to a month now. My creative juices have dried up(hence the sparse and unentertaining posting) and God seems miles away, even though I know that He is never more than an arms length away, and yet...

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

Lamentations 3:19-20

It goes on...

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:21-26

I know that there is nothing of this world that will truly fill the void. Booze? Nope. Drugs? Nope. Sex? Nope. Buying myself stuff? For awhile, but then I get my credit card bill and I'm depressed again. No, my hope is in Him, so I choose to wait upon His salvation. I'm not very good at the quiet part: I beg God for His deliverance, I cry out for His hand of Mercy to heal me. I stomp and throw fits. I demand. But where else am I going to go but to the Lord? He has never failed to save me, so I will trust Him.

Mohamed, Buddha, Krishna, and a slew of other false gods, along with Satan, decided that they where going to attack the Bride of Christ while she was dancing in a field of lilies. They grabbed their clubs, black jacks, brass knuckles, and torches, then proceeded in angry mob fashion over the hill to the field. When they got to the top of the hill, they dropped the implements of roguery because they didn't need to use them: The Christians where already there, pummeling her.

Yup, the Bride O' Christ took another gut punch, at the hands of the one of the faithful. It's bad enough that we've got people like Fred Phelps and The Politician Jesse Jackson who are constantly running up behind her and slapping her across the back of the head, but when people who get themselves out there in the limelight pull stunts like getting back rubs and buying meth from a homosexual masseuse, come one! Buddy, the more the light shines on ya, the darker the shadow!

Look, people are people. We are a fallen people and none are above sin. Thank God for His awesome grace and mercy! In the church of 12,000 that Ted Haggard was pastoring, there where undoubtedly practicing homosexuals, unmarrieds living together, thieves, prideful individuals, lawyers...It's the fallen nature of man. That doesn't make it alright. But when you put yourself in a public position, you better make sure that you are walking the walk. The press isn't going to care about Joe Shmoe, but they do care about Teddy Haggard. When Joe stumbles, it creates a minor ripple, affecting those around him. Still bad news. When Ted stumbles, well, it's like a gut punch to the Bride. Not because he was somebody special, but becuase it gives the Enemy another chance to drag the name of Christ through the mud.

I'm slightly disappointed in my new job. Well, not so much the job as the company. The accountant at the placement agency messed up and put my check in the wrong account, so now my paycheck is now 4 days late. I had a misunderstanding about how much I was going to be paid, so I had to have one of those tough discussions with the boss about money, economy, and such. They have a system of 'probation' and 'eligibility' that is actually kind of weird. As someone whose been in the work force for over twenty years, I've never dealt with it before. Sweeter Half says it's pretty standard for people working through an angency.

I'm a straight shooter: I like to get everything out on the table. Years ago, I would have just taken it with out saying anything, but then I'd let the anger fester within until something got destroyed on the outside, not to mention the depression that comes along with holding anger. I don't like depression, and having dealt with it off and on during my life, I don't want to set myself up.

And then, there is the death of a dream: The Catering and Restaurant Dream. I received the renewal forms for my catering license and decided to pass. It cost a lot of money (which I could come up with if I needed to), but I didn't have enough business last year to justify having it. This year doesn't look any better, so maybe it's time to be a realist and cut it loose. After years of advertising, handing out business cards, doing free events to 'get my name out there', I have invested thousands in time and money with nothing to show for it other than debt and a garage full of pots and pans. I thinks it's time to let 'er go, and give my family the security they need by investing myself into a 'regular' job.

Is this the death and rebirth that we often hear about? That a dream is like a seed, that it must be buried (die) and forgotten until it is reborn? I thought I'd been through all that stuff before: I'd put this dream away before, buried it, figured it was the end. But then I'd get a phone call or two, and I'd be filled with hope once more, that the dream was coming back to life! Maybe now was the time! But it always was more along the lines of Frankenstein's monster: Something pulled from the grave and forced to live rather that something that has germinated, growing from a spark of life within.

What more to say? The end.

My next scheduled date in the pulpit is Nov 19th. Right now, I'm feeling lead to preach on 1 Kings 18, with particular emphisis on verse 41 through 46.

41 And Elijah said to Ahab, "Go, eat and drink, for there is the sound of a heavy rain." 42 So Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees.

43 "Go and look toward the sea," he told his servant. And he went up and looked.
"There is nothing there," he said.
Seven times Elijah said, "Go back."

44 The seventh time the servant reported, "A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea."
So Elijah said, "Go and tell Ahab, 'Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.' "

45 Meanwhile, the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain came on and Ahab rode off to Jezreel. 46 The power of the LORD came upon Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel.

More later.